My tweets are cool to the touch and return to their original shape if you crumple them. So follow me on Twitter if you want to find out what happened in Roswell all those years ago.

I’ve been to a few water parks in my day. Where I live is a kind of amusement park mecca. We have a little place that goes by the name of King’s Island. Maybe you’ve heard of it [blows on knuckles, rubs them on shirt]. It’s actually known the world over for its wooden coasters, but it also has a rocking’ water park. We also had a couple of other water parks in the area that have gone out of business.

The water park that we visited two weekends ago was called the Great Wolf Lodge. Its an indoor water park with slides, wave pools and urine filled play structures as detailed by Jerry and Mike. What struck me about this Great Wolf Lodge was the intensity of the life guards. they were like Nazi Elite bodyguards…that is to say they didn’t fuck the fuck around. Not a smile was cracked at my adorable children as they said “Hi”. Not a wayward glance was cast to the bikini clad women that strode by. They had shit on lock down. You see, it wasn’t only that they were intense but all of them seem to be under the age of 18. Like they were born and bred to guard lives, in regards to water.

All and all it wasn’t a terrible time, though the wife and I agreed that it is not a two day affair with a 2 and 6 year old.

May Monday sprinkle it’s joy all over you.