Editor’s Note: This article is NSFW. Unless your boss is cool with harsh language and animal sex acts. If so, you’re livin’ the dream, my friend. Enjoy!

Video games have been an ever-changing, ever-evolving, living entity since their advent. We’ve seen an era of wood-covered consoles that only played one game. We’ve seen the era of arcades, where you had a destination to play games and you could only play for as long as you had change in your pocket. We’ve seen the extended era of console gaming and its evolution into incredible, emotionally charged experiences. We’ve seen the creation of online gaming and its rise to popularity. We’ve seen games turn into serious competition, become pieces of art, and turn into objects of nostalgia.

As the technology grew, everything surrounding the business of games grew, too. As arcades rose up, games became as brutal and unfair as possible, so they could take all of your money. Consoles had a myriad of amazing titles and countless attachments and accessories to keep you investing in them. As you were just getting used to having one console around, the next, more awesome one came out and the process repeated. Competition created notoriety for games and sponsorships for players. Nostalgia is huge business that preys on people trying to rekindle feelings from their past. Online gaming has given rise to subscription fees, digital distribution, and, to the dismay of many gamers, downloadable content.

DLC is, without a doubt, a hot button issue in the gaming world. It invokes a wide array of reactions from the gaming populace. As appreciative as many gamers are for the continued support of their favorite games, other gamers feel like they’re being cheated out of their money. With companies including DLC assets on the disc, planning DLC to coincide with the game’s release, and specifically designing games around purchasing DLC, it’s easy to see why consumers feel betrayed.

While it’s not all peaches and cream, it isn’t as bad as many Internet forums would have you believe. So, I want to delve into the deep dark depths of DLC. The reasons it’s great. The reasons it blows. The reason everyone involved, consumers and creators, needs a fucking reality check.

I’m ready to take this thing on.

No you’re not.

Whoa, who the fuck are you?

Your internet trolling alter-ego.

My alter-ego? You look nothing like me. You look like hell…

That’s because I’m a real man. I know how to please women.

Ok…

Yeah, all I have to do is take them to the basement and have my way with them on the waterbed. Waterbeds are nature’s instant panty vanisher.

Wait, you still have the waterbed? I got rid of that when I, you know, grew up.

Well you’re gay.

Ok, whatever. Do you want to get this thing started?

Yeah, I’d like to get this thing started… with your mom.

Wait, isn’t that OUR mom?

No, YOUR mom is my mom’s alter-ego.

Okay, that’s still really gross. You win. You’re a fucking man.

I take penis enlargers.

RIght, so now that my uninvited… guest is here, I think we should start delving into the topic at hand.

I was with this one last night and I went BAAAAAHHHH-LLS deep. Get it, bro?!

Yeah, thanks. I… I got it.

To start off, I think we should let everyone know our feelings about DLC. I think that DLC is, ultimately, a win-win situation for everyone. It provides added content so we can continue enjoying games we may have given up on and it creates an extra revenue stream for the companies producing it. While the system, admittedly, is very flawed, I think things will get better as long as the content gets better and prices stabilize a bit more. The world of DLC is kind of anarchistic right now. It needs some solid direction to move in, but no one really knows where to take it. Gamers certainly aren’t helping matters by leaving the caps lock on, shouting about how they’re being exploited and how they’re boycotting DLC, but then buy it anyways.

FUCK! OMG, I HATE DLC SO FUCKING MUCH. EVERYTHING THEY MAKE FOR THE GAME SHOULD BE FREE! I FUCKING PAID FOR IT AND I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO PAY FOR IT AGAIN. IT’S BULLSHIT! IF YOU’RE GOING TO WASTE YOUR TIME MAKING DLC THEN YOU SHOULD BE WASTING THAT TIME MAKING AN ACTUAL SEQUEL!

Bubsy

We don’t remember Bubsy as a stoner Big Lots employee… oh well, good old days, and all that.

I understand the frustration. I mean, it was only the last generation of consoles when games were released “whole” and we didn’t have DLC or patches to sort things out after release. Of course, we don’t know what things would’ve been like back then had DLC existed. I think every developer wants to add a little something to games after they’ve finished them. On the other hand, I know I certainly wouldn’t have minded some extra content for some of my favorite PS2 games.

Yeah, the companies weren’t soulless back then. They were good to their customers. They don’t do ANYTHING right anymore. They can’t even make good games now. All they do is make fucking “Call of Duty” and jerk off to guns. They’ve all sold out! Every game is exactly the same! DLC is just one more piece of the money grubbing cock the game companies are fucking us with. 

I don’t really think things are that bad. Sure, first-person shooters have certainly taken off but they’re the “safe” genre right now. “Call of Duty” makes more money than anything, so it’s natural for other companies to want some of that action. Platformers and fighting games used to be that way too. Remember back during the days of the 8 and 16-bit eras when EVERYTHING was a platformer? There were tons of bad cash-in games like “Yo Noid!”, “Cool Spot”, “Aero the Acrobat”, and “Bubsy”. FUCKING BUBSY!